How to Actually Relax on a Cruise as a Dad (Without Abandoning Your Family)

I love my family. I really do. But let’s be honest—going on a cruise with kids isn’t exactly what I’d call a ‘vacation.’ It’s more like relocating to a floating amusement park where my main job is keeping tiny humans alive and making sure they don’t dive headfirst into the chocolate fountain at the buffet.

So how does a dad like me—someone who just wants to sip a beer, feel the ocean breeze, and experience at least ten minutes of uninterrupted peace—find relaxation on a cruise? Turns out, it takes strategy. And maybe a little misdirection. Let’s talk about how to carve out those golden moments of dad-time while still showing up for the family.

The Art of the Dad Disappear

Step one to relaxation? Mastering the Dad Disappear.

This is not the same thing as “abandoning your family.” No, no. This is a finely honed skill that ensures you get your me-time without sending your spouse into a rage spiral. The key is to make it seem like you’re always just one step away from being totally present.

For example, try these:

• The ‘I’ll Go Grab Us Coffee’ Trick – Find the furthest possible coffee shop on board. Take the scenic route. Linger. Enjoy the smell of freedom—uh, I mean, espresso.
• The ‘Gym Excuse’ – Nobody will question you hitting the treadmill. Will you actually run? Maybe. Will you sit on a rowing machine scrolling sports scores for 20 minutes? Absolutely.
• The ‘Lost in the Spa’ Maneuver – “Oh, I just went to check out the steam room. It turns out, they had a deep relaxation package that I somehow got roped into. So weird!”

The key is plausible deniability. Always come back with a small peace offering—a snack, a drink, a towel you definitely don’t need. Makes it look like you had their needs in mind all along.

Find the Secret Quiet Spots

Every ship has them: those magical little pockets where the noise level drops and the chair-to-passenger ratio works in your favor. But you have to know where to look.

A few go-to spots I’ve discovered:

• The Library – Nobody uses this place. Ever. Grab a book (or just pretend), and bask in the glorious silence.
• The Promenade Deck (During Mealtimes) – While the masses are stuffing themselves at the buffet, sneak out to the promenade deck, grab a lounger, and let the waves do their thing.
• The Adult-Only Pool – If your cruise has one, this is the jackpot. If it has a swim-up bar? Even better.
• Theater Balcony (During a Lesser-Known Show) – Skip the Broadway-level production and hit a mid-day lecture or a niche show. Sit up high, put on sunglasses, and nod occasionally like you're interested while actually taking a guilt-free nap.

Schedule ‘Dad Time’ Like It’s an Excursion

If your family can book snorkeling, dolphin encounters, and character breakfasts, you can absolutely schedule an hour for yourself. Put it on the itinerary, announce it with confidence, and stick to it. “From 2:00 to 3:00, I will be at the cigar lounge/swim-up bar/hammock on deck 12. Please direct all snack and sunscreen inquiries elsewhere.”

By treating your downtime as non-negotiable, you avoid the “Oh, but can’t you just—” moments. Because no one asks Mom to reschedule the princess tea party, right?

The Night Owl Trick

If all else fails, embrace the power of the late night. Once the kids are out cold and your partner is happily settled in bed, seize your chance. A quiet walk on deck, a last-call drink at the bar, or even a peaceful moment just staring at the stars—sometimes the best relaxation happens when the world (or at least your cabin) is asleep.

Docking the Ship: The Recap

A cruise can be relaxing for dads, but it takes some effort. Just remember:

• Master the Dad Disappear—make it look like you’re always one step away from being present.
• Seek out the quiet spots—the library, promenade, adult-only pool, or an empty theater.
• Schedule ‘Dad Time’—treat it like an excursion and make it official.
• Use late nights to soak in some peace when the ship has finally gone quiet.

Because at the end of the day, a well-rested dad is a better dad. And let’s be real—if we’re gonna survive a week of unlimited soft-serve and water slides, we need this.

Now go forth, fellow dads, and claim your me-time on the high seas. Just, you know, make sure you bring back coffee so it looks like you were thinking of the family the whole time.